- Name: Hugo "Chowder" Malone
- Likes: the apocalypse, video games, novelty swords, tarantulas, boasting, stealing, leaving youtube comments
- Dislikes: authority, cute things, responsibility
- Flaws: crass, immature, lies about himself, insensitive, negligent parents
- Desires: wants everyone to think he's as cool as he thinks he is, to keep his action figure collection in mint condition, to be as lazy as humanly possible
- Appearance: chubby, nerdy. Tacky bowling shirts, patchy facial hair, questionable hygiene